Thursday, July 10, 2008

“Write about fading memories.. and our tireless efforts to preserve them...”

Tomorrow’s Memory

When I was asked to write about fading memories, the first idea to emerge into my thoughts was to write about all the wonderful things I could remember experiencing as a child. It was only later I discovered that this wasn’t something I could write about at all.

The human memory fascinates me. Countless psychologists dedicate time and study to this mind-boggling fact that is the memory, and the ability to remember. However I’m much more interested in the will we possess to recollect. What controls our capability to form a memory at one occasion and remise at another.

I truly believe there is a reason for this, just as there is a reason for everything on this earth and beyond. If our minds retained the possibility of storing every piece of information we encounter throughout our lifetime, to an extent that we could recall every trace of our existence in this life, could you imagine what life would be like? The world would come to an absolute halt. Forgetting is a good thing, much better than remembrance.

Although I don’t particularly favour to associate myself with what has become, I can’t help but find myself in the vast fields that is my past. Scouring through the archives in search for answers, for lessons, or sometimes just to find a smile and that loss of a single heart beat as my eyes fix on a gaze and my mind exerts on an expedition to once upon a time. I then find that I can in fact strongly relate to the title of this piece on another level altogether.

I am only human. And therefore am the owner of a discrete diary or memoir rather, into which only the most special memories are kept, locked away deep into the unknown of my heart. Good times, happy, sad and miserable times, times we laughed and times we cried with all that we have inside us.

Sometimes we cling onto our memories as a child would cling onto their mother, memories of loved ones who have passed on, events, occasions, people and places. Whatever the reason we sometimes cling on so hard, as if this were to change time. Or sometimes we use it as a tool to shape our future, the effects of which could equally be advantageous as they could be disastrous.

I’m not sure about those reading this now but generally I have found that we tend to make memories of those times of either utter euphoria or times of utter despair. Everything else seems to be a blur in between. And yet we do not tire, but instead invest in even more dedication to preserve what seems to be another life. Without which an immense sense of insecurity seems to creep up from behind and threaten all that we hold dear.

Memories are immensely personal, something nobody can take away from us, an escape in times of need. Its Gods gift, nature’s equivalent to the high tech mobiles, cameras and memory sticks of today. I’m truly grateful for all the wonderful times, even the saddest of times too. They have made me who I am today, unique, and unlike anyone else in this world. I’m blessed with beautiful memories and the reason is because I’m blessed with beautiful friends and family who make my reality. At the tender age of 19, I’m apprehensive of what is to become and tremendously attached to the memories I have chosen to preserve. However for the time being, I’m going to dedicate all that I have in making some magnificent memories for the future.

3 Comments:

Anonymous Anna said...

I lived with adopting family in Yekaterinburg in the place of killing Royal Romanov family. Why? Who from my own family is a queen? My own grandmother? Or what does it means? Address was Moskowskaya street 9-31. In Moskovskaya street 9-20 lives Hussein family with daughter Aleksandra. My real name is Anna-Kristina-Aleksandra. What does it means? Who really have aggression against Muslims countries and against Iraq and Hussein? I know that my own grandfather Naum was Muslims friend. And when he invest his money in Russia he took gold as financial guarantee. May be in Iraq and near Hussein my enemies searching that gold? I am the daughter of the man, who had a symbol in Vatican and whose face is identical to Joann Paul II. In Italy he is known as Tata Giovanni (Father Giovanni) .He lived in Rome and worked in the USA. I know that everything my relatives had they left as inheritage to me. I need to find, who has management of it in his hands, and which is the state of property and assets. I don,t know how my identity could be hidden, because I have unique right leg, which was disfigured from birth. This is my unique sign, nobody could be mistaken normally in my identification. Business of my own grandfather was oil and gas, casino and hotels of Las-Vegas. Own father too. During 10 years I was under strong financial pressing. And lived with my younger son for 60 dollars per month. Who became a manager and do that? Since October of 2001 till 2007 all the force of repressing machine was put on us. I have savage fascism in Lithuania in my own flat and in my own life and life of my son. We came out of there on our four. We have total control. Causes - multi billion assets in-heritage from my own relatives. Since 1993 year I was pressed financially at first, I lives with my son and we have 60-100$ for month. And even it is well known that a person is dead without money, my attackers didn’t stop - since 2001 year I had seven savage attacks on me on a territory of Lithuania - was poisoned with HCl, toxicoids,I was systematically trivially beaten, I had a traffic accident - was hit by a car on the pedestrians on green light for me, poisoned with hallucinogens and with my son pushed out to bogs in winter, where we have spent 3 nights. Those attacks started 3 weeks after twin-towers in the USA were ruined. They were ruined in 11.09.2001. I was born in 11.06 - month of twins-Gemini. More, the only citizen of Lithuania died in that crush, who was constantly living and working in the USA in twin-towers Jelena-Helen Gavriushina-Melnichenko - her mother was director of the school my children got education. Director of the school Gavriushina was born 6th of June. I have a friend in my childhood. Vladimir Vladimirovich Gaper. He was born 6th of June. Who is that friend? Everybody knows one Vladimir Vladimirovich, but he wasn’t born at the 6th of June. Who is that my friend born 6th of June? I found that one. In the USA in Las Vegas. Kerkor Kerkorian. After reading his biography I saw that his owned MGM hotel, casino blown 21.11.1980. Interesting, that all those digits are digits of mine and my children’s dates of birth. More, even ID’s are the same. That friend was my own father’s and own grandfather’s manager? Why then the property wasn’t returned to me? Interesting that Bill Clinton had a nickname fly. After exact translating to Russian this mean to fly - as a pilot, a flyer. Manager was a pilot, a flyer. Why Bill Clinton, you ask?If bill - is billion, who clean’t billions then? Do you remember what is Bill Clinton wife’s name? Hillary Clinton. What is hillary clinton? Hi-Larry-Cleaner. Hello, Larisa who got in fly and cleaned… understand, yes? Monica Lewinski came into cabinet in White House at 28 of february 1997. Adopting family’s son was born 28 of February. Who knows what does it mean? In 10 June of 2006 in Diana,s Spencer family house resident of Russian special services Aleksandr Lebedev organized a meeting to memorize death of Raisa Gorbacheva. Michail,s Gorbachev wife died 20 09 1999. But 11.06.2006 I celebrated my 50 anniversary. It means all the strange recollecting organized just before my birthday. Why? How it is connected with the fact that 9 months before Raisa Gorbacheva died, 20.12.1998 died Jevgenij Bondarenko-son of Natalia Bondarenko who became also Lopatinska,ja after getting married with my adopting brother. It is she who is used to get my money without me to agree nor accept. Who helped her? Bush, Primakov visiting Lithuania they organized “accidental” meetings with me and my son. First used his security officers, second by himself. 11.03.2008 Poland visited Hosni Said Mubarak. 14.03.2008 we were proposed to leave Poland. We were getting by auto-stop in Italy. As well as we arrived to Italy, to Italy came Putin, who visited Poland and came to Berlusconi. What does it means? They have my money and business? They robbed me? They were so poor that needed my finances and my incomes? We live with son at street wearing some floor clothes. Was my father such a bad person? Is he blackmailed in such a way? Where is he now? Multiple applying to Silvio Berlusconi does nothing. What could be this person whom in my childhood I know as Silvia in Italy - my “mother” with wig and with man,s cigarettes, and which I must find if I need a defense and help? I know that part of finances former soviet agents transferred to someone in England. After queen Elizabeth and his husband,s visit to Lithuania (16.10.2006-18.10.2006) 21.10.2006 Hubertas Grusnys was killed, he was owner of radio stations and Lithuanian millionaire, whose radio Lietus a week before told about poisoning with toxicoids me and my son in our flat. In Lithuania for my financing and living my own father gave 10% shares of AO LUKOIL company to the oil company AB MAZEIKU NAFTA. For my financing in Lithuania responsible A.Brazauskas, B.Lubys (as everybody know Mr. Lubys is a friend of Mr. Nazarbajev), G.Chapanidze, V.Shkil. Mr. G.Chapanidze is in jail since 1996-1997. I was not financed at all. And didn,t ask nobody to sale or to present my finances or shares to anybody. I know that there are most of assets, which didn’t get in hands of those who robbed me. May be Mr. Alekperov knows what does it mean? In 19.8.1995 in Omsk died someone Ivan (Jan,Giovanni, Ioann) Lickevich. Do you know what does Lickevich means in polish? This is translated as calculate. What and whom calculated Lickevich?Ivan Lickevich was the director of the Omsk oil rafinery. In 3.7.2000 died with his son Gediminas Kesus.They are killed both. Gediminas Kesus was the director of the Mazeiku oil rafinery.When he was killed in Lithuanian newspapers was published information – some documents Gediminas Kesus put into some England bank. What the documents it was? Who started to kill the directors of oil rafineries and started putting the money into his own pockets? My money. In such way oil company LUKOIL go for another hands. Rats hands.
Another savage attack against me began 20.10.2002 – 23.10.2002. In 23.10.2002 - 26.10.2002 there was Nord-Ost in Moscow. My son and I had the same diagnosis as victims of Nord-Ost. Who do it? I have personal individual characteristic by which I can be easily identified - my right leg was disfigured while my mother was pregnant, and I was born with unique diagnosis. After many specific medical operations, my leg became passport, which couldn,t be forged. I demand to change my managers and carers, and I look for a country which could accept me and defend me.

8:55 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Lovely to read, if only you shared a few of the memories you spoke of. It's great to have you back, I noticed pretty late you had decided to post again. Keep it up, your writing is beautiful.

12:56 am  
Blogger StrivingSoul said...

Beautiful post. Thanks for sharing, gave me something to think about.

12:02 pm  

Post a Comment

<< Home